Empathy and Abusive Relationships

It's the most empathetic of people who stay in abusive relationships and excuse bad behavior because of someone's past.  They think they can heal that person and sometimes they can.  But sometimes empathy and love are best served from a distance, not by continuing to enable active abuse.  People who habitually exploit others often step on those they believe will tolerate it.  To some abusive individuals, love, kindness, and mercy are mistaken for weakness rather than recognized as strengths.  I'm not saying walk away from every "so-called" abusive relationship because one's definition of abuse might be "he didn't take out the garbage and grumbled about it when I scolded him."  The flip side would be "she's abusive because she scolded me."  Neither is abuse.  And, sometimes there is no abuse at all except in a guilty person's mind who simply wants a reason to leave.   Other times "abuse is psychological projection" of one's own abusive behavior.  People who constantly scream hate are "sometimes" the most hateful.  People who constantly scream abuse are "sometimes" the most abusive.  People who scream "cheater" are "sometimes" times trying to protect their own fragile image.  And abuse certainly builds character, hopefully forcibly bringing one to the point of setting the clear boundary of not allowing abuse from anyone, which will help them get through life in many situations when dealing with others.  The too agreeable person evolves into a more guarded person with a healthy lack of trust (until proven trustworthy).  They eventually become strong and less friendly to the people whose motives are to use, to hurt, or even to destroy and they warm up to those who are worthy of kindness.  The goal isn't to lose empathy, but to spend it wisely.